


Reflections of the Past

by Titti



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-01
Updated: 2003-01-01
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12337098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/pseuds/Titti
Summary: When Severus is forced to spend Christmas at his ancestral home with Potter, Lupin and Black, the Gryffindors learn a few things about Slytherins' family value.





	Reflections of the Past

Severus was cursing under his breath. Christmas was coming up and he simply knew that Albus was going to find a way to ruin yet another holiday. He didn't even bother to mask his annoyance as he busted into the Headmaster's office.

The Slytherin froze when he saw Potter, Black and Lupin, current DADA teacher once again, sitting in Dumbledore's office. "Whatever it is, the answer is 'no', Albus."

"Come, come, Severus. You know I wouldn't ask you if it I had another solution. Besides, you haven't even heard what I have to say."

"I don't have to. Unless this has something to do with Voldemort and the Order, I want no part in your schemes. Have a good day." Severus turned around to leave, but Albus's voice stopped him.

"Severus, you know how close we are to facing Voldemort. I just wanted to give Harry one Christmas that he could spend with his family. Sirius can't stay here. It's too dangerous. Snape manor is empty and you could go home for the holidays."

Severus faced his friend with pure fury in his eyes. "I haven't been home since my seventh year. If I felt the need to return there, I would have done so without your permission."

The three Gryffindors smartly stayed silent as the Headmaster and the Potions professor continued their bickering. Harry wasn't sure if Snape would hex Dumbledore or die from a heart attack.

Neither happened as Severus sighed. He knew Albus would win, so he did the only thing a Slytherin could do. "You win, but I want two hundred points for Slytherin. Pick whoever you want to assign them. Draco would be my suggestion. Permission to use private brooms for my first year students and my not-so-legal ingredients restocked. Is that agreeable?"

"You'll have everything you asked."

"And your promise that you will not give a single point to Gryffindor from now until the end of school. Even if Potter manages to kill Voldemort."

"That's unreasonable, my child."

"It's either that or the three ghosts of Christmas-" Severus pointed at the Gryffindors "-spend their holidays in Hagrid's hut."

"I don't care about the points," Harry interrupted them. He'd rather have Sirius for Christmas that another House Cup.

Albus sighed and nodded. "We have an agreement."

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

On Christmas day, the three Gryffindors were lounging in Severus's family room. They looked up when the warding alarm went off. They hid quickly under Harry's invisibility cloak. Snape had warned them that not many people could get through the wards, but the ones who could, would probably kill them on sight. For this reason, they had the cloak on hand and the alarm was always set. It wouldn't go off only for Severus.

The three Gryffindors breathed in relief when they saw the Headmaster enter the living room. They quickly discarded the cloak and returned to their seats.

"Happy Christmas, Headmaster," Harry greeted the old wizard with a smile.

"Happy Christmas, Harry." Albus smiled at the two other men. "I hope everything is well." All three Gryffindors nodded. "Where is Severus?"

Harry shrugged as Sirius said, "We haven't seen Snape since we got here. The house-elf told us he left last night and he hasn't come back."

Albus shook his head, the usual spark missing. He had hoped that Severus would have found some happiness with the three Gryffindors. Despite the enmity, Severus and Sirius were more alike that they cared to admit and Albus had hoped that they could have become friends.

The alarm rang again. The cloak was used once more by the three Gryffindors. The Headmaster disappeared from view without even a wave of his wand. Harry looked at Remus and the werewolf shrugged.

"I'm not pissed," Severus said in a shaky voice.

The four wizards heard Lucius chuckle as he entered the room, practically carrying a very wobbly Potions master.

"You're right, you're not pissed. You just have the biggest hangover of the year. Now, sit down and tell me where you put the Sobering-Up potion," Lucius said with affection.

"I don't remember. I don't know if I made it." Severus pouted.

"Of course, you made it." Lucius crouched down in front of a slumping Snape. "Severus, we spend every Christmas with you drinking yourself into oblivion. I know you made the potion."

"It must be in the cupboard, then." Severus motioned toward one wall.

Lucius opened the cupboard to find an immensity of phials. "You should really mark them, Severus. Not everyone is as good as you." Lucius shook his head. He had given Severus the potion enough times to know what he was looking for. He started opening the phials and smelling them. "Maybe next year, we can start a new tradition and we'll just open presents for Christmas," Lucius said offhand.

"You know I can't." Severus was grave in his response. He closed his eyes. "I can't remember."

"Severus, you still remember and the only thing you gain is a bad headache. They are dead. They died when we were students."

"They were my parents and they died to protect me." Severus tried to get up, but the room spun in front of his eyes. "They were killed as an example of what would happen to his supporters if they didn't give him their children. They were killed on Christmas Eve in this very room and this-" Severus raised his left sleeve. "-this is what I got as a souvenir. It's bloody unlikely that I'll forget."

Under the cloak, Harry was amazed to notice how calmly the two Slytherins seem to discuss the death of Snape's parents. Obviously, the man was hurting, but a Gryffindor would be crying, hugging in friends, doing something. Snape sat there with dignified strength, or maybe he was just too drunk to do anything.

"Why were you even here? I had warned you not to go home for the holidays." Lucius turned to look at his friend for an instant before returning to the phials.

"The Headmaster insisted on it. He said that the animosity between me and the Marauders was reaching dangerous levels and since there was one of me and four of them, I was to go home. Black tries to kill me and I get sent home to get the mark." Severus would have snorted, but his head hurt too much.

"No matter. It's not like we had a chance," Lucius stated calmly. "Can you imagine those Gryffindorks asking us to join them? Then again, it's better this way. Potter and his Mudblood wife are dead, Pettigrew is Voldemort's pet. Lupin is a pet, albeit a very dangerous one. And Black spent twelve years in Azkaban and he's still hiding. All in all, I like my life much better."

"Hurry up, Lucius, my head is killing me." 

Lucius continued uncorking phials until Severus broke the silence. "I would have liked the chance to make the choice, even if it would have killed me."

Lucius snorted. "You couldn't care less about the choice. You wanted people to think you were nice so you could get into Lupin's pants."

"I did not do any such thing." Severus smirked. "All right, I wouldn't have minded shagging him before I found out that he was a beast, but the point is that Voldemort took my freedom to decide when he killed my parents and put his claim on me."

"Sometimes, you are just too honourable for a Slytherin." Lucius smelled another phial and smiled. Yes, this was it. He handed the potion to Severus. While the Potions master was drinking, he said casually, "Speaking of being honourable, why haven't you slept with my son yet?"

Severus choked. "Bloody hell, Lucius. Don't say that. Draco is like a son to me." Severus moved his head tentatively. He stood up and tried moving. "You didn't poison me. I'll remember to label it next year. And Lucius, do tell your son not to jump me in my own classroom. The little brat is going to get me sacked."

Lucius sneered. "Dumblodork is never going to notice, not down in the dungeon. It's beneath the Gryffindors to come down there after classes."

"Lucius, stop being an idiot. I will not sleep with Draco, no matter what you and he think. Instead, we have to find him someone...someone like Potter. The boy could actually protect Draco if there was a problem."

"Severus, the potion must be faulted. You seem to be hallucinating. My son and Potter. How did you come up with that?"

Severus felt the urge to smack Lucius. "Think, my friend. If we win, Draco is safe. If they win and Draco is dating Potter, he is safe. I want him to have a better life than we did and if he gets to shag the Boy Who Lived in the process..." Severus shrugged.

"Severus, you're a true Slytherin. That's why I love you."

"Not enough. Go home, Lucius, Narcissa is probably already sending out a search party."

Lucius approached the taller man. He had an uncharacteristically tender expression. "I love you, but I can't be what I am not. You are the most important person in my life after my son." Lucius touched his arm gently. "I have to go. I'll see you in a week."

Severus slumped down on the couch as soon as Lucius left. He was dozing off when he felt movement. He was up, with his wand drawn out and ready to hex anyone who had invaded his privacy. "Bloody hell. Don't you know you shouldn't sneak on people? Especially, you Albus."

Severus was annoyed at himself for losing his temper. He sat down again. He was tired. Lucius and he had spent the night drinking and talking. Now, Severus needed sleep.

"You should have told me," Albus said gently.

Severus glared at the man, trying to retrace his discussion with Lucius. "Why? So you could dismiss everything I said. Thank you, but no."

"After all these years, I thought we were friends, Severus." The note of sadness in Albus's voice was obvious to all present. However, the Potions master ignored it.

"You can't play the caring headmaster with me, Albus. I know better. You use people just like you did with me. You used me to get information in exchange of getting me out of a situation you put me in, in the first place. I did my job." Severus got up angrily. "I'm doing this again, because we have a deal. You stay alive long enough to make sure that the Malfoys will not be touched by your dear Gryffindors and I keep Potter alive. Now, I'm going to bed. I'll see you at the beginning of the term."

Severus ignored the other three wizards and left. He didn't remember the entire conversation with Lucius, but he knew that he never had a kind word for any of them, so he shouldn't be worried.

In the sitting room, Sirius was glaring at the Headmaster. "How could you agree to that? Leave the Malfoys alone? That's unreasonable."

"Sit down, Sirius." Dumbledore sighed. "I had no choice. He wouldn't do it unless I gave him something. He pointed out since I consider the Slytherins less worthy, I should save two in exchange for one, for Harry." At that moment, Albus looked and felt his age. He sat dejectedly on the couch. He seemed to have failed miserably with Severus and with each new layer he discovered, he learned that there was even more damage to undo.

"I still think that's not acceptable. You have to find another solution," Sirius persisted.

"I won't go back on my promise, Sirius. He hates me enough and with good reason."

"Don't say that, Albus. He is just angry at the situation." Remus tried to console the Headmaster.

Albus gave him a sad smile. "Thank you for trying, but I know my mistakes. It's taken me two decades to accept the knowledge that I served the Slytherins to Voldemort on a silver platter. Sadly, I seem to be doing the same thing now, and I can't seem to find a way to stop it."

The Headmaster slowly got up. "I'd better go. Keep an eye on him for me. If he lets you," he added, knowing full well that they would not see Severus until they were ready to return to school. 

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

On January first, the three Gryffindors were once again sitting in the family room. It was five in the afternoon and Severus was still not home. Not that they had actually seen him since Christmas day, but Harry had become friend with the house-elves and they let him know when their master left the house.

"How can you not feel sorry for him?" Harry asked Sirius. "He's been alone since we got here." 

"Snape is too strong to evoke any pity from me. Besides, I was alone for twelve years." 

Remus shook his head. That seemed to be Sirius's answer to most questions regarding Snape. He wondered if Sirius had ever been fair to the Slytherin. The werewolf was ashamed to say that he never paid much attention to Severus, not until it was too late. 

After the Shrieking Shack incident, Remus had become fascinated with Severus. The Slytherin hadn't revealed his secret, much to Remus's surprise. He began avoiding the Marauders and was never far from Lucius's side. Amazingly, Malfoy treated Severus like an equal, something that didn't happen with anyone else. 

Remus began to see the intelligence and ambition that he hadn't noticed before. He also discovered the dignified beauty that Severus possessed. He tried to talk to the Slytherin, to apologize to him. However, Severus treated him like he was no better than one of Hagrid's pets. Severus crushed Remus's feelings with the same facility he crushed snake fangs.

When Remus returned to teach in Harry's third year, the werewolf had hoped to forge a friendship, or maybe something more, with Severus. He wasn't sure if it was because of the guilty he felt or because he truly liked Severus, but he never had a chance to discover his true motives. In the end, Sirius came between them once more.

"Remus, you look so far away. Is everything all right?" Remus never had the chance to answer Harry's question as the alarm rang through the house. They quickly used the cloak and waited to see who had arrived.

Severus was being dragged in by Malfoy. Unlike Christmas day, it was not Lucius, but Draco. Severus dropped on the armchair and pulled the slender wizard on top. The Potions master opened Draco's robe and his hand began to travel over his firm chest.

"As much as I would enjoy this, you're drunk and I doubt you can even get it up. You and Father drink too much," Draco said betraying no emotions. He got up and went to the cupboards. Lord, he was tired of babysitting his father and Severus during the holidays. He quickly found the potion he was looking for. Draco noted that they were labelled and wondered the reason. It was not as if he couldn't recognized them by colour, smell and consistency. "Here, drink this."

As the potion made its way through his body, Severus sobered up. Merlin, he had drunk even more than he had the week before. "Thank you."

"One day, you'll have to tell me why you drink so much during the holidays."

"Let's just say that Voldemort becomes creative during this time of the year." Severus felt Draco sit on his lap. The Potions master stared at his student. "I'm sorry for before. I was out of line."

Draco shrugged. "Don't worry. I just wish you tried when you were sober."

"You know I can't."

"Of course, you can't. When you're drunk, you can pretend I'm my father," Draco said bitterly. "Too bad he's straight or I'm sure he would indulge you just to spite me."

"Draco, I held you when you were a tiny baby. I helped feed you and I played with you. I feel like you are my own son. I want the best for you. Find someone as young and powerful as you, someone like Pot-"

Draco got up angrily. "Don't you dare! You and Father have this idea that I'll just walk up to Potter and he'll fall for me. Are you two mad? We hate each other. And what am I supposed to tell him? My father and his best friend have decided that I would be safer if I started dating you, mind shagging?" Draco glared at the Potions master. "I will not date him because it's the rational thing to do."

Severus got up and grabbed the young Slytherin by his shoulders. "Promise me you'll do anything to stay alive. Ideologies are nice, but they'll get you killed. Look at James Potter. He died a hero, but he is still dead. Promise me you'll survive."

Draco saw the anguish in Severus's eyes. "I promise. Just... don't push me in Potter's arms."

"He _is_ very powerful."

"That's what father says. Is he really the heir of Slytherin?" Draco asked.

Severus went back to the couch. "Yes, and of Gryffindor. I am quite confident that he will survive and kill Voldemort."

Under the cloak, Remus put his hand over Harry's mouth. The werewolf was certain that the boy was ready to explode. Remus paid close attention to the discussion. He knew that Harry was special, but Albus had never given them any information.

"How can he be the heir of both Gryffindor and Slytherin? Doesn't he have enough fame?" The old feelings of envy crept inside Draco.

"You mean Lucius never told you?" Severus looked surprised. Draco shook his head. "Sit with me." Severus patted the couch cushion and waited until Draco sat next to him and put an arm around the boy. "James was the heir of Gryffindor. What no one knows is that Lily was not a Muggleborn. The Evans adopted her. Her mother gave her up to Muggles to avoid that her father, lord Voldemort, could find out about her existence."

"How do you know?" The story seemed too incredible to be real.

"Because Voldemort knows. When he found out, he was so upset he yelled for hours. All the members of his inner circles learned the truth that day. He knew that Lily and James's union would have produced a wizard more powerful than he and that is the reason why he wanted to kill them."

"Merlin, I don't know if I should envy or pity Potter."

"Do neither. It's not your problem, not unless you decide to befriend him." 

Draco nodded and then stared at the Potions master. "Why are you alone?" Draco brushed Severus's hair gently.

Severus shrugged. "It was meant to be this way," he said philosophically.

Draco climbed on his lap and kissed him gently on the cheek. "If I find the person who hurt you so much, I'll kill him."

Severus snorted. "It's not good policy to hurt one's professors."

"Fuck!" Draco rolled his eyes at Severus's scowl. "Father isn't lying when he says that you had a crush on Lupin. I swear I'll kill that beast."

Severus closed his arms around the boy. "Don't do anything stupid. Not for me, not for your father, not for anyone. You are a Slytherin and a Malfoy. You have to learn to control your emotions, Draco. You will be held at a higher standard because of the prejudices that exist against you. Don't go look for trouble."

"Fine, but I don't like him." Draco kissed him once more. "I'll see you in school, Professor," he said teasingly.

"Enjoy the rest of your holiday, Mr. Malfoy," Severus answered back as the young man left the room.

At the noise, Severus looked around. "Sweet Lord, there are 40 rooms in this mansion, why do you three insist on spending all your time in my living room."

The three Gryffindors seemed shocked by all they had heard. Sirius was the first to collect himself. Of course, he focused only on one part of Severus's discussion. "How could you tell Malfoy to seduce Harry? He is-" Sirius found Severus's wand aimed at his throat. "He's a Malfoy," he finished lamely.

"I didn't ask _you_ to be with Draco. If anyone should be upset, it's Potter and I don't see him complaining," the Potions master said with a satisfied smirk.

The Boy Who Lived was staring at him blankly. He had just heard too many things and a possible involvement with Draco seemed the least of his problems.

"You leave him alone. Harry doesn't need a sick bastard like you around." Sirius was furious and he had his own wand out. "You make sure that Malfoy stays away, too."

"Is it true?" Harry asked timidly. "Is Voldemort really my grandfather?"

"Harry, don't listen to him," Sirius barked.

"Shut up, Sirius. He is right. I don't care about Draco. He isn't important right now." Harry was determined to find out. He had been lied to about his family one too many times. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"

Remus put a tentative hand on the boy. "Calm down, Harry. Severus can't be sure."

"Of course, I'm certain, you idiot. Yes, Voldemort is your grandfather." Severus approached his student and grabbed him, forcing Harry to stare into his eyes. "I might be a bastard, but I never lied to you."

"Why haven't you told me before?"

"You should ask Albus. Let me tell you something else. I hate you, just like I hated your father and his friends, but I'll give you the same advice I gave Draco. If you see that we are losing, you should do anything in your power to stay alive. You should shag Draco, Lucius and every Death Eater in sight. You should kill and torture your Mudblood friends. All to convince your grandfather that now that you know the truth, you want to join him. Because as long as you are alive, there is hope that things will change. Do you understand, Potter?"

"Yes," Harry answered firmly.

Severus nodded and let go. He walked toward the door and was ready to leave when Harry called him. He turned to face the boy.

"I don't know if I agree with what you said, but I will think about it. Thank you for telling the truth. Not many people think of me as a person."

Their eyes met. Sirius and Remus could see an understanding pass silently between teacher and student, almost a sense of kinship. They broke their eye contact and Severus left without a word.

They didn't speak until they were back at Hogwarts.

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

Severus burst into the Headmaster's office. To say that he was upset was an understatement. "You should have called me as Head of House, not Lucius," he accused Dumbledore without so much as a glance to the people present.

"Calm down, Severus. Mr. Malfoy was here on business when Draco and Remus came in. I sent for you immediately." Albus tried to placate his friend.

"So, what egregious offence has Draco committed that warrants this trial? Even Black got a cosier setting," Severus replied acidly.

When he got no answer, he stared at the people in the room. Albus seemed...confused. Severus was not used to associating such a word with the Headmaster. Remus refused to meet his eyes. Draco stared at him proudly, ignoring everyone in the room. Lucius looked amused. "Lucius?" Severus asked.

"I have no idea what is going on, Severus. The werewolf brought Draco in, but refused to say what he has done that needs to be addressed." Lucius got up, his cloak billowing behind him. "However, I am busy and I think Draco is in good hands with you," he told Severus with a smirk. "I know you will take care of him, so I'll leave now."

Severus almost growled. Couldn't Lucius keep the innuendo from his sentences? Draco didn't need any encouragement from his own father. "I'll walk you out. You-" Severus pointed at Draco. "-stay here and keep your mouth shut until I come back. Understood?" Severus left with Lucius as soon as Draco nodded to him. 

"What is it, Severus? I know you wouldn't have left a student there if you didn't want to talk to me," Lucius said as the gargoyle closed the entrance to the staircase.

Severus grabbed Lucius's arm. "We're very close, Lucius, and we might not see each other again. The final battle is coming. I suggest you stay home that day."

"I'm not a coward," Lucius replied affronted.

"No, you're not. You're a Slytherin and a survivor. You have to think of yourself and your family."

"The same it's true for you, Severus. Are you telling me that you will hide in your dungeon?" Lucius challenged.

"It's different for me," Severus said sadly. "I have no one."

"You're wrong, Severus. You have your Slytherins; you have Draco and me. You are part of our family as well."

"Thank you, Lucius." Severus hugged his childhood friend. "Take care my friend."

"Take care of yourself. If..." Lucius was unsure, but they had already said so much. "If something happens to me, take care of Draco."

"I always have." Severus watched as Lucius left. Then, he went back upstairs to take care of whatever Draco had gotten himself into.

When he entered the room, he sat in _his_ armchair. Severus sighed inwardly; he spent so much time in this office that he had started to have proprietary feeling over furniture. "Now, what has Draco done?"

Remus looked between Dumbledore and the Potions master, unsure of how much to say. He knew that Severus would scoff at the tamer version and he didn't have the courage to repeat Draco's accusation because they hit too close to home. "Draco was extremely disrespectful and implied that I treated him differently because of who he is."

Draco snorted. "I didn't imply it. I said it outright."

"Draco!" Severus warned.

"What? I won't let him treat me like I'm the big bad wolf, when we all know that he's the beast," Draco said with all the arrogance due to his birth.

"See, Albus, that's exactly his attitude in class," Remus blurted out in frustration.

"That's the attitude of every Gryffindor in my class," Severus snapped back. "True, they might not call me a beast, but they have used every other offensive word in the English dictionary, or at least the one they can understand."

"Severus, let's not squabble. Mr. Malfoy cannot continue with this behaviour in Remus's class. I don't want to be forced to do something drastic."

"You won't have to. I can always stop making the Wolfsbane and we solve this little problem. No werewolf to teach the class, no behavioural problem from Draco," Severus commented with calm.

"Stop the nonsense, Severus. You know how important the potion is for Remus."

Severus stood up abruptly and faced the Headmaster. "And you know how important my students are. If I have to choose between one of my children and a Gryffindor monster, I'll always pick my Slytherins."

"Stop threatening me, Severus," Albus replied coldly.

"I am not the scared seventeen year old who came back to you with a mark on his arm. You push me on this and I'll destroy you. I'll have Lucius's support and of the rest of the Slytherins. I'll tell the public that Lupin doesn't take the Wolfsbane any longer, but he's still around the children. I'll tell them that you've been harbouring a fugitive for years. When I'm done with you, you'll be forced to leave the wizarding world."

Everyone paled at the words. Even Draco had not expected this fierce defence. Severus was surprised that he had found the courage to speak his mind, but no one hurt his family.

"You'll give free reign to Voldemort," Albus finally said.

"So what? I'll just exchange one despotic ruler for another. There won't be much of a difference in my life." Severus knew that the words would hurt Dumbledore and he was only sorry that he hadn't done it before. He had plenty of opportunities since Potter had arrived.

" You'll never forgive me, will you?" the Headmaster asked sadly.

"The day that you and your Gryffindors rot in hell will be the happiest day of my life. I think that gives you an idea of my feelings. Just make sure you wait until you hold up your part of our bargain."

"Please stop." Remus's voice was weak compared to the two other wizards', but the note of sadness and regret rang loud and clear. "Please, don't fight for me. I know you two care for each other. My friends and I have caused enough rifts between you two and I'm truly sorry for that. Severus, I know making the potion is a burden and you've never been properly thanked for all your work. If you want to stop making it, I'd understand. I'd also like to stay and teach. I'll do anything you ask of me. I could spend my nights at the shack or I can be locked up in a cage. I'll do anything that satisfies you."

Severus looked coldly at the werewolf. "I will let you know what my decision is. Draco, let's go."

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

Severus knocked on Remus's door. When the werewolf opened, the Potions master handed him a goblet. "It's the only solution that doesn't put the children in danger," he explained tersely.

"Thank you. It really means a lot to me. Would you...would you come in? I really wa...I want to discuss Draco with you. Please?" Remus hoped that his eyes and voice showed his honesty.

Severus entered and closed the door. He folded his arms in front of his chest and waited. "Well? I don't have time to waste."

"I wanted to te- tell you that Dr-Draco was ri-right." 

Severus refrained with difficulty from retorting sarcastically. Lupin had this horrible habit of stuttering when he was nervous. Just like Longbottom. As much as he would have loved to cut the man down to size, he knew that if he said anything, he would take hours for Lupin to say what he was trying with difficulty to convey.

Remus noticed his own uncertainty and cursed himself for it. Why couldn't he remain calm in front of Severus? He breathed deeply and tried again. "Malfoy is right." He smiled at his own self-control. "I am jealous and I am holding him to a higher standard, but the two are not connected."

Severus sat down, his robe swirling with a flare. "Explain!"

"I know how important Draco is to you. Don't bother denying it. Your conversations with the Malfoys only proved what I suspected." Remus spoke softly, his eyes always on the Slytherin. "I'm giving him the same lessons I'm giving Harry. I hope that the skills they learn will come handy if they have to fight in this war."

"You don't know for what side Draco will fight," Severus pointed out.

"I believe in the end he will fight for yours, no matter what side you're on," Remus said gently.

"Why are you jealous?" Severus asked coldly.

Remus sighed. He knew that if he said too much, Severus would probably never speak to him again. But how was he to explain the feelings he developed after he almost killed the Slytherin. "I know this will sound absurd to you, but I've cared for you since we were in school."

"Of course, it's absurd. I don't know what game you're playing, but I'm leaving." Severus got up. Remus rested a hand on his arm.

"Pl-please, don't go. Please, just li-listen to me without interrupting. I don't think I can find the courage to tell you everything otherwise. Please."

"Speak!"

"It started in school. I began loo-looking at you. I noticed how...I noticed everything you did. I thought that you were with Lu-Lucius." Remus closed his eyes. His stutter was back. Always at the worse moments, or probably because they were his worse moments.

"I knew I had no chance. When I came back, I could see the same affection directed toward Draco. Before you rebuff me, I didn't think that you had a sexual relationship with the boy, but the tenderness, the affection, the love were there. I could see them in your eyes every time you looked at Draco, just like when you looked at Lucius." It was so much easier to talk about emotions in an abstract context, but he knew that the next part would be hard to say and even harder for Severus to hear. "After those conversations you had over the holiday, I knew that while neither Malfoy had your body, both had your heart. I was jealous because you will never feel even a tenth of those feelings for me."

Enraged, Severus's gaze drilled into Remus. "I wonder when you developed this sudden fascination with me," Severus hissed. "Was that before or after you and Black almost killed me." Severus snorted. "You are right about one thing. I will never feel for you what I feel for them. Lucius and Draco are my family. You...you are nothing but a beast and a danger for everyone around." 

Severus made a dramatic exit, robes billowing with each step. Remus could do nothing more than bury his face in his hand and wait for the pain to dim again. 

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

The final showdown occurred on Hogwarts grounds, just like Severus had predicted. Voldemort, with his morbid sense of humour, had chosen Good Friday for the battle. He had told his Death Eaters that it would be fair that the Saviour of Muggles and Mudbloods should be sacrificed on this day.

It was early dawn when Death Eaters breached the wards and appeared on the grounds of the Scottish school. The faculty, the members of the Orders and the older students united to fight the threat. Severus had quickly locked his Slytherins inside their common room, not wanting them to fight their own parents.

No one seemed concerned with Voldemort, everyone expected the famous Harry Potter to take care of that particular wizard.

Hundreds of hexes flew from each side. Light and Dark fought to the death. While the Killing Curse couldn't be used repeatedly for fear that their magical powers would be drained, other dark curses were readily available. Neither could afford to cast warning spells. There was too much at stake.

Severus fought his former friends. He felt the bitterness, but he was a Slytherin and he always did what must be done. It was ironic that in the end he was siding with the Gryffindors he so much hated.

"Traitor," someone yelled at him.

Severus barely had the time to turn that he saw a Death Eater casting a curse. Time froze. He was going to die. He didn't regret anything, well, maybe not having killed Black. He saw the light from the wand. He waited for the hex to hit him...

But it never did. Remus threw himself in front of him, becoming the target. This gave Severus the time to kill the Death Eater. The Potions master kneeled next to Remus's lying body. He cast an invisibility spell around them. 

"Lupin, Lupin, wake up." Severus took the limp body into his arms.

Amber eyes opened and fixed on his black ones. "I'm cold."

"I'll take you to the Infirmary. Just hold on." Severus couldn't help feel some of the old emotions that he had suppressed long ago. Remus had been his first crush and now the man had sacrificed himself. Severus ran a tender hand over Remus's cheek.

"I just wanted you to like me." Remus said no more.

~*~SS~*~RL~*~

It was a cold and rainy day. The Gods above cried like the students and faculty. A week after the day that all the wizarding world celebrated as the happiest of its recent history, Hogwarts closed to bury its dead. 

The entire school met near the lake to say the final goodbye to their own. Severus stayed on the side, never one to seek company. He looked on. There were tears in every eye. They all had lost someone dear to them.

The Hufflepuffs were crying over Susan Bones and Anthony Goldstein. The Ravenclaws mourned Padma Patil, Morag MacDougal and Lisa Turpin. The Gryffindors had their own dead: Ginny Weasley, Dennis Creevy, Natalie MacDonald, and Dean Thomas. They had lost Hagrid, too

The Potions master could see Harry crying over the many people he loved. His godfather was close by, but the Boy Who Lived seemed to refuse any comfort from anyone. Severus knew that he was blaming himself for all the deaths. 

The Weasley clan was all united against this loss. Parvati was barely functioning after the death of her twin. Albus and the other teachers tried, but failed to remain stoic in front of the young lives cut before they had a chance to grow and flower.

The Head of Slytherin turned to stare at his own house. They had had the most deaths, but none were in school. Like true purebloods, the fathers had fought, but they had protected their wives and children. They must have thought that it was the noble thing to do, but Severus doubted that these children, who found themselves with the responsibilities of their names and family affairs, would agree with that. However, not one of his students had shed a tear since the battle, at least not in public.

Both Malfoys had survived unscathed. Lucius had been able to avoid any inquiries in his status as a possible Death Eater. Whether it was because of Albus's intervention or because Lucius hadn't been found on the grounds, Severus didn't know or care. No one of course knew that Lucius had been there, but Severus had drugged him down to the dungeon and into his chamber to avoid capture. 

When the service ended, the crowd scattered quietly. Severus noticed Draco approach Harry. The Slytherin said something and Potter smiled sadly. Then, the Gryffindor extended his hand in sort of a peace offering. Maybe they would never be lovers, but a friendship would forge a new unity between the Houses, and that would be a welcomed change.

Severus was thinking about Remus when he felt a hand rest on his back. He turned to see amber eyes staring at him. "What are you doing here? You should be in the Infirmary."

"I know," Remus answered softly. "I just...I needed to say my own goodbye."

Severus wrapped his arms around the werewolf, giving emotional and physical support. "Now, you have. Let's get you inside."

Remus closed his eyes, shedding the tears that he had been holding for twenty years. "It's really over, is it not? James, Lily, even Peter, and all these children. I don't know if I could do this again."

"You won't have to. We won."

"Have we? How many scars are we going to take with us? And the children? What kind of memories will they have of their schooldays?"

"They'll survive, just like we have. Hopefully, they are not as bad damaged as we were." The Potions master tightened his arms, knowing that Remus needed the comfort.

"And how do I live knowing I killed? I spent my life hiding, afraid that I would hurt someone and last week, I killed...I went to school with some of the people I killed, their children are my students. How do I live with that?"

Severus spun the werewolf around until they were facing each other. "You survived Remus. That's what all of us did. You are not any worse than any of us."

"But I'm a beast. Remember?"

"No! I was wrong. You are better than most of us. You don't see me, Black, or even Albus, crying over the people we killed. You, on the other hand, are so compassionate that you care about your enemies. I am honoured to know you."

"Right, just as long as I stay away." Remus tried to leave, but Severus had a firm grasp and the Gryffindor was still weak.

"I want you as near as you want to be. I can't tell you I love you, but I can tell you that I would like to find out if there could be something between us." Severus slowly caressed Remus's cheek. "We both wanted this at one point of our lives. Do you still want to?"

Remus couldn't speak. He choked back the tears and nodded. He suddenly found himself enveloped by strong arms that led him toward the castle.

"I promise I won't leave you, Remus. We'll be fine," Severus told him in an uncharacteristically soft voice. 

Things were going to be all right if they were together. Finally, Remus whispered, "I love you, Severus."


End file.
